By Nada Younes, SOT Therapist, Wise Mind PLLC
Erich Fromm (1941) believed that before knowing others, one must first know themselves; to know oneself as a therapist enables an environment of self-efficacy and motivation for the client to come to know themselves too. Deep breaths. When I was asked to write this reflective narrative on my experience of becoming an SOT therapist, I experienced a conflicted delight of sorts. I found myself wondering how I would describe my human journey of becoming within a world of what many view as reprehensible. More broadly, how does one transcend or come to be something beyond the context of their life narrative? The complexity of putting to words my experience spoke directly to the intersectional facets of my identity. A symbolic narrative interwoven through knowledge and perception, and its connectedness to the human spirit to survive and live.
Throughout my lifetime, I have learned that the hardest thing to do is often the right thing to do. However, being mindful among a population of individuals who have committed sexual offenses requires an incredible agility to consciously be present in the now with a sense of self that is free of impositions, personal afflictions, and/or viewpoints. It is more than open-mindedness; it is an intentional effort to clear my filters of the socially constructed noise of ideals to be able to focus on the adversity of my clients’ life challenges.
I believe that adversity is also a passionate apprehension of oneself that holds importance and requires encouragement to work through to gain further insight about oneself through others. Adversity is an opportunity of growth, a creative stimulation where plausibly distorted perceptions and themes of oneself become more truthful and whole. I recall early on in my academic journey of being in the mindset that I would work with any population, but the ones I currently serve. Perhaps it was the fear or vulnerability of appearing sympathetic to the irreconcilable predicament of two wounded individuals: one a victim and the other a perpetrator.
Becoming a therapist to these individuals led to a struggle to find a balanced therapeutic approach that empowers change within the perpetrator without silencing the voice and narrative of the victim. The struggle to nurture an environment that encourages balanced introspection within the individuals who have committed these offenses without them further losing their sense of self to the systemic noise that for many has worked against them as far back as their developmental years.
Introspection provides an in-depth opportunity to discover authenticity within the synergy of our therapeutic existence. A purposeful confrontation of our ‘selves’ where we utilize our facticity as a new platform of existence within an environment that is dictated by conformity. Moustakas and Perry (1973) believed the solution to an isolated existence is premised in the continuous development of self-awareness and understanding of ones being. It is incumbent on every individual to confront themselves and reconsider original beliefs to find meaning and direction from the confines of despair. The honest struggle with being and becoming is an insightful understanding of how I became who I am and how it transcended my beliefs toward helping those who I never believed I could support before.
There is a universality of human compassion among those who work with individuals with sexual offenses. My own self-awareness and willingness to understand the adversities of the individuals I serve is paramount to understanding who they are, who they are becoming, and how this shaped who they are today. I can empower my clients to develop their sense of self while balancing the ostracizing effects of their adversity. In reflection, my experiences have furthered my determination to stand and advocate against a mostly conformed society of maligned values and beliefs that perpetuate the systemic breakdown of humanity due to their own lack of introspection as a society at large.
Empowering my clients to transcend through the continuum from being as a means of survival, to ever-evolving potentials of becoming, mirrors my own journey. Our narratives may be different, but our needs to have our individuality validated are the same. Erich Fromm’s (1941) assertion that before knowing others, one must first know themselves presents a unique situation for therapists treating individuals who have committed sexual offenses to effectively come to know themselves too. Through my transcendental journey of becoming, I have discovered I prefer to just be me without societal descriptors attached. In my mind, an identity as being human is obviously far more powerful unbounded than it is restricted.
References
Fromm, E. (1941). Escape from freedom. New York: Farrar & Rinehart, Inc.
Moustakas, C., & Perry, C. (1973). Learning to be free. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.